10 Corny Puns
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm
sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins
into low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round
the world.
3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to
Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed
behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of
two weevils.
4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when
they lit a fire in the craft, it sank proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
5. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the
man who shot my paw."
6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental
medication.
7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he
said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
8. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One
of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The
other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her
husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've seen Amal."
9. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival
florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He
asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored
him.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to
close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and
only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
10. And finally, there was a man who sent ten
different puns to friends, in the hope that at least
one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no
pun in ten did.
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