It Took Me a Long Time To Learn . . .
1) Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the
same night.
2) If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not
achieved, and never will achieve, it's full potential, that word would be
"meetings."
3) There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4) You should not confuse your career with your life.
5) No matter what happens ... somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
6) When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who
perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that person is
crazy.
7) A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
8) Never lick a steak knife.
9) Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
10) The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we
ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
11) You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that
you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at
that moment.
12) Your friends love you anyway.
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